October 2011
1 post
6 tags
AIDS Vaccine Has Potential (Via DailyRotten.com) →
“Spanish researchers found that 22 of 24 healthy people (92 per cent) developed an immune response to HIV after being given their MVA-B vaccine.”
September 2011
1 post
5 tags
HIV Degreaser Could End AIDS (from... →
August 2010
7 posts
citizenkaleigh-deactivated20110 asked: CAN WE BE OKCUPID FAVORITES? my username is ennuileigh
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Jungle Spiders
Jizzzbot: i went on a big vacay with my family and hung out in the jungle, that was cool.
Boner Face: Did you get bitten by an jungle spiders. Did any jungle snakes crawl into yo coochie?
Jizzzbot: if by "jungle snakes" you mean a Jamaican guy...
Jizzzbot: then no.
teflonveins asked: Love your tumblr name, as well as your posts. Keep doin' what you're doin'.
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Successful Troll is Successful, Take 1: Jizzzbot...
DING DING!
unsuspecting douchebag: my cock is soooo hard
jizzzbot: mm how many did you take?
unsuspecting douchebag: of what?
jizzzbot: viagra
unsuspecting douchebag: none. you got me this way
jizzzbot: would you ever consider having a threesome?
unsuspecting douchebag: sure
jizzzbot: with me and my dad?
unsuspecting douchebag: are you serious?
jizzzbot: yeah, why do you like that?
unsuspecting douchebag: that's a little odd
jizzzbot: no, it's really not. your dick would look soo good in his mouth.
unsuspecting douchebag: but it's your dad
jizzzbot: i know, god, so fucking hot.
unsuspecting douchebag: if you say so. i've never been into the incest thing
jizzzbot: how old is your mom?
unsuspecting douchebag: 50
jizzzbot: does she take care of herself?
unsuspecting douchebag: i have no idea. i don't live with my parents
jizzzbot: you're missing out, seriously.
unsuspecting douchebag: you're fucking with me
3 tags
A whole new bag of tricks
Dear lady at the women’s clinic from my appointment this afternoon:
Thank you so much for the huge lunch sack full of condoms you gave me today. Honestly, I thought you had just put a box of them in the bag and taped them up discreetly for me. However, upon arriving at my home and opening the bag, I saw that you had packed tons and tons of them in there.
I feel confident saying that I...
4 tags
July 2010
8 posts
3 tags
Career-Killing move #1
If anybody would like to get to know the real person behind Jizzzbot, My personal blog is here:
Call Her Action
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“racial hatred and NSA go hand in hand”
– I have amazing friends!
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Initial(ly) D(isappointed)
Once upon a time when I was 18, I went out on dates a lot. Anybody familiar with my posts will notice that I tend to choose to go out with absolute idiots who have nothing going for them what so ever.
A while back, I met a really nice guy through a dating site. It was just my dumb fucking luck that he happened to be wildly attractive. Like, vinyl car seats in 100 degree weather… hot.
He...
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This arrived in my inbox today:
hey girly. i dont know why but i always think about you hehe. what do i need to do to be able to see you again? im back from seattle already haha. didnt work out as planned up there. but ya, its lame but i really think about you a bit and wish we could meet up again. so what do i need to do so that we can see each other again?
Desperation makes a guest appearance in my inbox, hilarity ensues.
...
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It's allowed to be funny now:
J: So, what happened, why is your grandma in the hospital?
Me: They found a tumor on her rectum...
J: That's awful, what kind of tumor?
Me: They found a masshole.
J: ...
Me: ...
June 2010
3 posts
Well, Class...
Any questions?
http://jizzzbot.tumblr.com/ask
6 tags
From the Vault
A long, long time ago, on an internet far, far away, I used to post ads on Craigslist and fuck with people who sent replies. I got the first message as an e-mail in my inbox, and from there on out things got a little paranoid. Read on!
I wud cum get you now but I am probly too old for you, although I could teach you a few things.
-How old are you? Age is just a number!
I am 40, old enough to...
Open poll:
Does anybody actually enjoy reading these?
May 2010
3 posts
7 tags
Get Miata Here.
so there’s a park that’s a stone’s throw away from my home that’s pretty infamous between my friends and i for all the sweet fornication that gets done there. not like strangers go there to fuck or anything, but it’s one of my favorite haunts when my bedroom is out of commission due to whatever unforeseen circumstances.
for three years this park has never done me...
“You need to respect yourself more.”
– Mom
March 2010
23 posts
3 tags
he didn't get it
him:
I work with sperm
me:
my dream job
4 tags
negative reinforcement (a story about anal sex)
when i was 16 years old, i was fucking this 26 year-old named gabe, right? right, well, to be completely honest i was fucking this guy based solely on the fact that he told me he wore skinny jeans and had a tattoo. one fine day we’re getting our fuck on, and he asks if i’ve ever done anal before.
despite my better judgement, i decided to tell him the truth, and that i hadn’t...
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re: small penis humiliation
Mar. 23, 2010 – 2:18pm
just a comment to your old post, i have only a 2.75-3” penis. i’m filipino-chinese and am thinking about writing a book “jealousies of the asian male”. actually i’ve started it. i hope u encourage my project. if u youtube “short dick man” i think you would find the many videos funnie. i watch these a lot and am jealous 24/7 but it...
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the highly anticipated "how i lost my virginity"...
when i was 16 years old, my family packed up the kia and drove out to beautiful las vegas to watch my cousin and his fiancee get married. now, when people think of las vegas, they think of debauchery and tom-foolery which is more often than not a pretty correct idea of what it’s all about.
however, when you’re 16, there’s really not a lot to do, and i decided to make the most...
Hoo-boy, do I sound like a smoker!
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this is why i don't go to shows anymore
an open letter to the guy who felt up my ass during High Places last night at the echoplex:
you need to fucking stop that shit. i don’t care how much weed you smoked before hand, or how long it took you to plan out your outfit. you apparently didn’t get the memo that a blazer over a t-shirt is so 2005. knock that shit off.
another thing i really liked is after i turned you down,...
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tales of a foreskin nothing
i swear, the shit that men tell me is fucking mind-blowing.
the date was a fairly ordinary one by comparison, until he decided to reveal this fun fact about himself that in all my years, i will never fucking recover from…
“when i was born, my last two fingers on my right hand were fused together, and the doctors said that they could be separated, but they would need to do a skin...
1 tag
“my cock is so hard i could beat you with it.”
– that’s just lovely.
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how to completely avoid having to touch a dick...
as much as i want to put down some sort of smart ass answer like “just use your mouth,” i’m not going to.
today i have for you an enchanting tale of awkward paranoia, anger management issues, and sexually transmitted disease. this is, unsurprisingly, another story of disappointing online dating.
many times, when you come across a person on a dating website who’s funny,...
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“…and your body is the best, best,...
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the greatest compliment of all time
bob marley: youre like the bukowski of our generation
bob marley: with a bigger dick and less acne scars
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coming soon:
how to completely avoid having to touch a dick with herpes.
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a whole new world... of crazy
i’ve met some rather interesting people on a particular dating website (which shall remain anonymous) that i frequent. while i say “interesting,” what i mean is “totally batshit fucking insane.” this specific post recounts a brief, yet spine-chilling encounter with one of them.
from past experience, i really should have just fucking known better. after several...
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an excerpt:
them: you get what?
me: wet
them: like from sprinklers?
me: like from PCP
... for some reason, i don't think that's really where he wanted to go with that conversation.
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Little Shop of Horrors
this is just a small sampling of some of the marvelous replies i find in my dating site inbox:
“ if you give me your number, i’ll send you a pic of my dick from the carne asada fries place’s bathroom “
“ I want your cock so far up my ass that its hitting my throat “
“ The Venus Flytraps I have now are kind of small but I am hoping they will grow. I...
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what a fucking trainwreck
i wouldn’t even believe that such a level of fuckery were possible, had i not just lived through it. literally, right now.
in chronological order, the events unfolded this way: at approximately 2:30 ante meridiem pacific time, i was extended a booty call. being one to never pass up such an opportunity, i graciously accepted and sat pretty for an hour for him to show up. i should tell...
1 tag
“sometimes i jack off so hard i feel like i’m punching myself.”
– i sometimes wonder why men feel compelled to always say whatever comes to their fuck-addled brains. enjoy.
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the universal hand signal for "so-so"
a few years back when i was still a fresh-faced young adult, i did a lot of stupid shit that i’m not especially proud of. one particular evening there were some loosely made plans to score some percocets for recreational use, and a good pal came along for the deal who had a very vague idea about what it was all about.
to make a long story short, she fucked my drug dealer on his bed while i...
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a worthy first post:
once when i was eighteen years old, i dry humped a guy in the front seat of his car to the band mastadon.
if you think you're the next kurt vonnegut...
i promise you’re not.